Repost from my LinkedIn profile:
I'd like to shed some light on my decision to step down from my current role as an assistant property manager in a lease-up division into a leasing role at a stabilized property. I'm hoping this will allow others to give themselves permission to ignore some of the external pressures and focus on pursuing their true callings.
Over the last two years, I've worked for Steward Healthcare as a behavioral health technician and a discharge planner on a level 1 court ordered psychiatric unit. I experienced amazing progress in my PTSD, eating disorder, and depression recoveries over the last few years as well, and paid it forward in my roles in behavioral health.
Last year, I completed a full series of psychiatrist-guided Ketamine injections to treat my complex PTSD and started having visions of returning to leasing. I saw myself back in North Hollywood, leasing in the arts district, running across the street for my coffee, and sipping it while editing images for the property's Instagram page. The Ketamine was showing me what I needed to do in order to keep my nervous system stabilized, to continue healing, and affect the most positive change in my community.
I felt torn. I thoroughly enjoyed advocating for my court ordered patients, but the job itself was pretty miserable. There was no upward opportunity for me without going back to school. I'm sure you've seen what Steward Healthcare has been up to if you watch the news... there was no guarantee that I would truly benefit from the advertised tuition reimbursement or have a job to return to on any given day in general.
In March and April of this year, I was assaulted back-to-back by two patients on my COT unit. The first instance was pretty cut and dry; I was punched in the face by a patient who had been punching almost everyone around them. I was mildly concussed, but was getting married three days later, so the adrenaline coursing through my veins kept me from feeling anything deeply about this. The second instance was not so simple.
I was standing on the unit talking to a patient and another one came up to me, grabbed my chest, and yanked as hard as they could. I filed a police report, met with an investigator since there were existing charges against them, and felt a responsibility as a discharge planner to ensure this person was not in the community without 24/7 supervision. I thought I was handling this like a rockstar.
A couple of weeks went by, and I slipped into dissociation. It was sort of like I had zoned out, and could not get myself to zone back in. My nightmares made a comeback, and I did not want to leave my office when I was at work, or my house when I was off. I called out one day, and was directed to contact workers comp. I filed the claim, reported to urgent care, and a psych case was opened immediately. I was taken off of work status, and suddenly had paid time off to sit at home and contemplate my next move.
During this time, I watched Steward Healthcare falling apart on the news. I received notifications of their pending bankruptcy, and experienced workers comp threatening not to pay me until Steward's finances were settled, if ever. Thankfully, they confirmed they could, but I was so spooked that I wanted to start looking for a new job right away. I worked hard to close my workers comp case since I had multiple providers I could work with on my recovery, and did not want to be associated with Steward, even tangentially, anymore.
I was forced to go through intensive psychiatric testing in order to release workers comp from any liability and was more or less told that I should not work with patients anymore, for the sake of my PTSD recovery. I told my case manager that I probably needed to hear that, or I'd feel indebted to behavioral health forever due to my own miraculous recovery but would never be able to make as much personal progress if I continued on that path and kept getting hurt.
From there, I pursued property management jobs but could not get myself to take a step back into leasing. I had succeeded as an assistant property manager, a leasing manager, won awards, completed lease-ups; it just felt wrong to go backward instead of attempting to promote into a management role. I accepted a role as an assistant property manager at a lease-up downtown, quickly found my footing within the team, and affected a lot of positive change. But I was still suffering. The universe was not going to let this go. Freeways began shutting down for repair, and my commute became horrific. Interpersonal issues came up that I could, but did not want to manage. I finally took the hint.
I just accepted a leasing role at a lovely community within walking distance of my home, meaning I can come home for lunch to take care of my 8-week-old puppy. I have new days off during the week, giving me alone time, which I am very bad at creating for myself. I look forward to touring the community, shmoozing with the tenants, approaching local businesses so I can obtain discounts for the residents, planning fun events, working on marketing and feeling like a part of the scene, while taking absolutely nothing home with me.
Additional perks include getting a lot of exercise while walking the community, which I hadn't realized was so significant in terms of managing my hip replacements, as well as cooking for my team, petting lots of dogs, having time to study marketing and business to business sales to create even more options for the future.
I can't wait to see what this is going to do for my familial relationships, friendships, marriage; there is not a single downside. I'm so lucky I can afford to take a step down, and that is another reason to do it now.
I often contemplate autonomy and free agency. I'm stepping back into a role that affords me both. I'm grateful for my experiences, and I'm ready to be selfish, for the sake of raising my own frequency for the highest good of all those around me.
Thank you <3
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